Beware the jubjub bird and the binge drinker!!!

There is tiny anti-drinking advertisement in this week’s SF weekly (page 63) among the ads for bars and clubs. The headline states, “My Beer Told Me to Puke on my Girlfriend”
The copy reads, “Binge drinking? That’s five or more drinks in an evening. It may not seem like a lot, but it’s enough to make you act like a complete idiot. Alcohol shouldn’t have that much influence over your life or anyone’s for that matter.”

I think it lists a website to visit in smaller type, but the font is black against a dark image of a 40 ounce beer bottle, and I could not read it in direct sunlight, and I have no magnifying glass.

Okay, let’s begin with the title. There have been times, gentle reader, when I’ve had five plus drinks. And yes, my beer did start whispering things to me, but not puke on your girlfriend. My Erdinger Weisbier usually screams in a high pitch voice, “99 Luftballons auf ihem weg zum horizont.” But then again, I am a child of the eighties. Yes, and my Fuller’s E.S.B. sometimes will hoarsely whisper, “oy, Wot are ‘ew then, eh? Ya cupid stunt, don’t be a tosser and stop staring at her Brad Pitts and buy her a pint, then eh?

I agree that five plus drinks will make you an idiot but not a complete one. A complete idiot starts pointless wars, defends incompetent attorney generals, and lies through his teeth. And this obvious idiot did this completely sober. And the term “binge drinking” is a loaded term—enjoy the pun. Much like the term, “functioning alcoholic,” the term “binge drinking” insults and is redundant since one of the meanings of the term “binge” means drinking excessively. Now you can insult me, but never be redundant. It insults because if you have five or more drinks, you are labeled a BINGE DRINKER!! I leave the binge debate to The Onion with this article.

What’s mysterious is who paid for this advertisement? MADD? Alcohol Beverage Control? The ad is pretty lame graphic-wise, cheaply made with no thought to readability. MADD wants to end all drinking: temperance for all whether you like it or not, so it’s probably not them because it sort of okays four drinks or less. I think it’s the booze lobby with an ass-covering ad, much like those save-the-children ads that Phillip Morris puts out. Whoever put it out, you could do better. Come one, I wanna be manipulated. I wanna feel bad.