When You're a Lez, You're a Lez All the Way

A murky little gob of hate and horniness drives right-wing religious nuts, especially when it comes to lesbians. You would think here in the United States, we would let people be who they are, let them breathe free if they’re not hurting anyone, but that little prickly white-hot spasm cooks the religious kook’s hypothalamuses into telling pathetic lies and starting frivolous court cases.

I don’t watch Bill O’Reilly. Who needs to when Stephen Colbert does such a better job of O’Reilly-ing? But he had Rod Wheeler, a supposed security expert, tell a tale of lesbian gangs. It’s been quoted in all sorts of newspapers and blogs but the allegations bear repeating in nifty bullet points:

* The gays are recruiting kids as young as 10 years old to join their gay gangs and perform—you guessed it—gay sex acts

* There are 150 lesbian gangs in the Washington DC area alone.

* It’s all over America

* The girl gangs carry pink nine-millimeter Glocks

Of course, these allegations are false—complete and utter lies on the no spin zone. The Southern Poverty Law Center debunks the damned lies here.

In other gay panic news, a dickhead in the Bay Area tried to get the courts to block Dykes on Bikes to use that moniker. He stated that the word dykes is “disparaging to men and is scandalous and immoral.” Scandalous? Who made you the arbiter of words?

The court told him that being a man, it’s none of his business:

Someone opposing a trademark has to show "a reasonable basis for a belief that he would be damaged," the court said in a 3-0 decision. McDermott, being a man, couldn't be harmed by a group's decision to call itself "dykes," the panel wrote.

I wonder how much eye rolling went on in the courtroom. Here are some of the wingnut’s arguments from the pleading:

In the arguments he filed with the patent office and in court, he stated his opposition to any trademark for a group associated with the annual Dyke March, which he called “the Annual Illegal San Francisco Dyke Hate Riot.”…He said he and all men are subject to criminal attacks and civil right violations during the march, and that the word dyke is associated with a “deep obsessive hatred of men and the male gender.”

Actually a Dyke Hate Riot sounds like a rockin’ dance party, don’t it? Obviously, this guy has never been to the pride parade. Men are not subject to criminal attacks, maybe catty remarks, maybe suggestive leers, and perhaps a goosing, but not a criminal attack, and certainly not from the dykes on bikes. They’re doing all they can to keep those bikes upright while traveling 10 miles per hour.

So there’s an obvious searing hatred that drives these sub humans, but there also salaciousness too. Either it’s impotent rage because they feel left out or they secretly want to watch the dykes and their bikes and their Glocks. They may claim they do it for the common good, for the morals, but in the end it’s that little Johnson urging them to do God’s work. If only they would just wank it away.